PSD

I know I have Post Traumatic Stress.

I know this from watching a

video clip in a coaching course today.

Great course.

I now have a good set of coaching skills.

I now know I have PSD for sure.

There is a scene in the Legend of Bagger Vance

where Matt Damon is playing golf

and is in the wood.

As he stops to figure out how to hit his golf ball

out of the wood,

he suddenly has a rush of scary, real memories

from his experiences as a WWI soldier.

He body reacted just as he was back there.

I know this feeling.

The stilling of my breath,

clunching of my muscles,

poised for flight but knowing I'll fight.

Tense, waiting for everything and nothing.

We, in Canterbury are all feeling this way

one way or another.

It's tiggered by specfic things

and alerting of the senses,

sounds, feeling, seeing.

Today, a year on from the worst earthquake

it's better.

For the last three weeks I've had

a painful shoulder.

It's like a sharp pain in my shoulder

but also an aching pain in the muscle of my upper arm.

It's sore and keeping me awake at night.

I've had a couple of things that have made a difference

a glorious relaxing massage

thanks for Jolly Jo,

I had a blessing last Sunday

and that really helped.

But it's back and hurting my neck.

I think today's anniversary maybe the problem.

I hope it is

and this is the last of the earthquake stress leaving my body.

But there is no way to measure it

when trauma is our new normal.

I understand a little of all those people

so far away living in war zones,

famine areas,

natural disaster places.

It's hard and I had no idea until it happened here.

Ah breaking New Year's resolutions everyday.