Palmerston North

It was John Cleese,

not a man of tact and one would like to think

he says everything he says to be humorous

but y'gotta wonder sometimes.

John Cleese said in 2006,

"If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to,

I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick."

 

 

It is a soulless place and

I live in Hamilton so I should I know.

 

Tomorrow I will get on the 6.15am flight to Palmy

Yes that is a 30 minute check-in so I will be at the airport at 5.45.

driving at 5.15,

up at 4.45am.

 

That's in the morning 4.45am.

I am shuddering at the thought of an early start.

I shudder at the thought of being in Palmerston North by 7.05am.

People are still getting up at 7.05am,

people I will have flown over in my wee bubble of an aeroplane.

 

Yesterday I was speaking to one of our Group Managers

who will be at the meeting also,

and she said oh yes, we catch the 6.45am flight to Dunedin.

Like it was the same thing.

Gee when she arrives at the airport,

I will be aboard my tiny plane setting off south.

She will be heading the Koru lounge to have a hot drink

and then board a much bigger plane than the 20 seater I'll be on.

So not the same thing.

 

Worse.

After an all day meeting,

all day means we start when the senior managers arrive

at about 10.15am and go to about 3 maybe 3.30pm

so they can get home before 5pm

My homeward flight doesn't leave until 6.20pm.

So while all my workmates are heading home,

of not already there

I'll be sitting in uncomfortable seats thieving wifi at the airport.

 

Yes I am complaining and

I am very conscious that I am.

I get paid very well to make day return flights with rental cars

and Koru lounge memberships

so forgive me my first world problems and

indulge me. 

 

My weekend is a write off of exhaustion.

 

Palmerston North was where my parents met.

Mags training to nurse,

Greg an junior insurance agent freshly moved there from Wellington.

There is nothing wrong with Palmerston North,

shoot I wouldn't be here without it.

But there is nothing particularly right about Palmerston North either.

There in lies the problem.



sick half day

Today I'm a bit off colour because

last week I had the perfect storm of colds.

I had a small cold brewing,

nothing much just a bit scratchy.

I had to drive to Taranaki and back in a day for work, 

but I don't mind driving even if it's the same road that a boulder 

came steaming down a hill and took out a small car 

killing the passenger and injuring the driver.

Imagine that happening!

I did as I drove through the gorge.

I was tired and sniffly but ok.

Until I flew to Palmerston North for the day.

To fly from Hamilton to Palmerston North is a chore

(enter numerous jokes about Palmerston North).

To fly there and back in a day, 

worse.

We fly there and back in one day for meetings.

It is actually more cost effective to fly than drive and stay over.

Besides I have a good reason to be home now.

The flight leaves at 6.25am.

This means we have to be at the airport by 5.55am.

I do not like times in the morning that involve 5s.

The flight home is at 6.30pm

so we finish what we do at about 3.30pm,

drive to the airport,

getting there about 4.30pm.

Thankfully work springs for Koru Club membership

(free internet, food and drinks, magazines etc)

otherwise I'd be wandering the streets of Palmerston North.

The plane seats 20 people.

Yes only 20 seats.

10 each side.

A long narrow tube of a plane

in which even the skinniest of persons would feel cramped.

The mercies of the flight is that it's only about 40 minutes each way and

that you don't sit next to anyone, 

although there is an aisle between you and your row neighbour, 

you could brush elbows easily.  

But two flights in a tiny plane in the same day

combined with a head cold leaves you with screamingly painful eardrums.

I was ok on the way down,

and ok for about 20 minutes of the 45 minute flight home.

The last 25 minutes had me tapping my ear holes,

stretching my jaw,
clenching my jaw,
wiggling my jaw,

blowing my nose,
rubbing my cheekbones.

None made much difference.

So I jiggled my feet,
crossed and uncrossed my legs
(thank goodness for yoga),
rotated my head and neck,
pressed my face against the cool window.

I was on the verge of tears when I saw the runaway

(through the pilots windscreen no less, tiny, tiny plane).

But we flew passed it and circled to approach again.

You can imagine the foul language and curses that streamed through my mind

as tears squeezed out of my now clenched eyes.

And then it was all over.

We landed, taxied, deplaned, left.

By the time I was home the ache had kicked in

and now after a week of my ears popping at inopportune times
(like as I speak to our Regional Council about why they should fund our pest control programme),

my balance is a little woozy and my breakfast is threatening to escape.

So I came home to lie on my back and pass my time with my iPad.

I called the doctor but he is sick too,

so I have to wait to see him,
hopefully tomorrow.

And next Tuesday is another flight to Palmerston North

only this time I'll stay over the night.