Sunday, December 13, 2015

seriously interrupted

I am being made redundant.

How weird is that?
What is super weird is that while this is a new experience for me,
I know of three people in a reasonably close vicinity of me
who are on their fourth redundancy.
And they are so resilient! 

Restructuring was and is welcome news.
There have been some serious personality issues within my organisation.
Though restructuring is hardly going to fix those as 
some of the dysfunctional personalities
are 'safe' as in unaffected and 
their job hasn't changed but neither will their actions or words.

What was needed before restructuring was culture change
but I suspect that is too nebulous.
Though I am sure they will attempt it.
I mean isn't that part of the formula?

The news of restructuring came four weeks ago.
We were divided into affected and unaffected groups.
The latter being the smallest. 
I was in the affected group as were all but three of my office workmates.
We were told our jobs were disestablished but some of us,
including me were ring fenced for similar jobs we are currently in.
That just means we get first option on a job except that
 there are more than one of us in the ring.

And so the strangeness began.
We have the most affected office,
oh wait then not as affected.
Once the restructuring was presented,
there was the staff feedback period of two whole weeks.
Two extra long weeks!

Then what do you know,
the powers that be realised that they actually needed some of us
through until the end of 2016.
The work has been planned and contracted out
so you can't just get rid of the managers of the contracts.
Now we see resentment growing.
Why should we get a shock and then comply?
What happened to all the words about flexibility and transparency? 
Or for that matter choices and control for the peoples?
What about getting cake and eating it too?

By this stage we had two confirmed bails,
and two going to happen but not showing our cards just yet.
Then a surprise outside chance of a shock departure from one we thought would not.

But all along we have been tole we have choices and 
there is great desire to give us as much control as possible.
Turns out that we have choices but not so much control.

Here are the options, 
these are the choices staff have....
1. Take redundancy early (not as easy to get as it sounds)
2. Wait and not apply for a job and take redundancy, leave 1 Feb
3. Wait, apply for a job, get it, take redundancy anyway, leave 1 Feb
4. Wait, apply for a job, get it and stay

I exercised my choice and have taken early redundancy and here's why.

I do not believe that the culture of the organisation will change
enough for it to be a healthy place to work.
I had a job interview Friday week ago.
You know at the end of the end of the interview where you get to ask questions?
I've never been one to ask anything much past what's the start date and salary.
This time I asked "What do you enjoy about working for XYZ?"
In this case, 
surprise was expressed at the question and the answers were really positive.

I was heartened that there were still people who loved their workplace.
I didn't get the job but 
I learned that in my two and half years with my organisation
my confidence has been eroded,
my outlook on life has been degraded,
my positive attitude has been holding by it's only nails.
This is not me.

I don't want to be in a place that destroys you
and that's what my soon to be former workplace has done to me.
A bit like a violent relationship.

Since my redundancy as been approved for an end date of Dec 24th
my stress rash has cleared up.

Roll on my month of summer!

P.S. If anyone knows of a job, please comment below :-)

Friday, October 9, 2015

I used to be

I was demanding of ideas,
I was quick to comprehend,
I was voracious of discussion.
I loved new information and adjusted what I already knew to accommodate it.
I enjoyed having a flexible mind,
and a store of inter-related knowledge.
I drove my reading family nuts be only wanting to read non-fiction
(a great failing according to my mother).
There were few topics I wouldn't entertain,
but mostly I loved people topics.
What makes us tick?
Why do we do what we do?
How can I influence others behaviours towards whatever
and move them over here?
I loved the alchemy of figuring out people.
But where has that gone?
Is there an age limit on curiosity?
Did it really kill the cat?
Why don't I care anymore?
Have I been ground down by reading too much non-fiction and
my mother's predictions have come to fruition?
What the hell is going on???
Or is it that finally I have realised that there are problems too big,
too complex, too repetative that
it is easier to keep to my knitting?
Maybe it is a quiet life I need now?
But the flicker is there...... *sigh*

Monday, September 14, 2015


I'm crushing on this song so much! Downtown! Downtown! Dooowwwnnntown! Hey ey ey! Hey ey ey!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

San Andreas earthquakes

Yesterday I had a day at home with a wicked bad sinus headache.  You know the kind that comes with a low pressure weather front, that makes you want to peel off your skull at about cheekbone level just to get a little relief. 
I wasn’t tired, just very sore so Homeboy put on a movie – “San Andreas” with the Rock.  Ironically it’s the fifth anniversary of the Sept 2010 7.1 earthquake on the 4th. 
I thought surely after five years I must be fine to watch a movie about giant and unlikely earthquakes.
I found myself just a little tense and sitting in weird poses. 
Like the first movie earthquake hit, it decimated Los Angles.
It was a 7.1 and I was on the edge of seat with my arm outstretched and my eyes were very watchful. I have no idea what I thought was going on but my fight or flight senses were on, super on.
And it didn’t get better as the pretend earthquakes heading north up the San Andreas fault line towards and into San Francisco.
I lived in the South Bay to the south of San Francisco.   I spent heaps of time walking the streets of that hilly city overlooking the bay.   Every street in the movie looked like somewhere I had been, probably wasn’t though, I wasn’t that energetic. 
So seeing another place I ‘knew’ crumbling wasn’t that enjoyable.  Thankfully it started getting ridiculously outlandish and I found my equilibrium again. 
Although it could also have been because I moved to the couch and snuggled up to Homeboy. 
Earthquakes are easier when there are two of you.
Even fake earthquakes.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Palmerston North

It was John Cleese,
not a man of tact and one would like to think
he says everything he says to be humorous
but y'gotta wonder sometimes.
John Cleese said in 2006,
"If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to,
I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick."
It is a soulless place and
I live in Hamilton so I should I know.
Tomorrow I will get on the 6.15am flight to Palmy
Yes that is a 30 minute check-in so I will be at the airport at 5.45.
driving at 5.15,
up at 4.45am.
That's in the morning 4.45am.
I am shuddering at the thought of an early start.
I shudder at the thought of being in Palmerston North by 7.05am.
People are still getting up at 7.05am,
people I will have flown over in my wee bubble of an aeroplane.
Yesterday I was speaking to one of our Group Managers
who will be at the meeting also,
and she said oh yes, we catch the 6.45am flight to Dunedin.
Like it was the same thing.
Gee when she arrives at the airport,
I will be aboard my tiny plane setting off south.
She will be heading the Koru lounge to have a hot drink
and then board a much bigger plane than the 20 seater I'll be on.
So not the same thing.
After an all day meeting,
all day means we start when the senior managers arrive
at about 10.15am and go to about 3 maybe 3.30pm
so they can get home before 5pm
My homeward flight doesn't leave until 6.20pm.
So while all my workmates are heading home,
of not already there
I'll be sitting in uncomfortable seats thieving wifi at the airport.
Yes I am complaining and
I am very conscious that I am.
I get paid very well to make day return flights with rental cars
and Koru lounge memberships
so forgive me my first world problems and
indulge me. 
My weekend is a write off of exhaustion.
Palmerston North was where my parents met.
Mags training to nurse,
Greg an junior insurance agent freshly moved there from Wellington.
There is nothing wrong with Palmerston North,
shoot I wouldn't be here without it.
But there is nothing particularly right about Palmerston North either.
There in lies the problem.