Friday, November 27, 2009

Long Black Train*

Earlier this week I was talking to my friend and she said I should blog about HOPE. Cuz thats where I live... in HOPE. I know that’s where many of you live too and it’s a good neighbourhood to inhabit so howdy neighbour!

I was thinking about all the catch phrases and one that has always struck me as the ultimate of the HOPE sayings is “HOPE springs eternal” or simply “eternal HOPE” but I think I have INternal HOPE cause it seems like there is a spring of HOPE deep inside me somewhere cause I have no idea where all my HOPE comes from. So this week as a problem that has been frustrating me for eight months now seems to be at an end (thanks to Red (sorry chick you are going to have give me a nickname for you cause I am all out of ‘em)) and what I found was that
I needed to find some things that give me HOPE...

Los Lonely Boys singing “Heaven” – ok it makes me want to cry sometimes – please note I don’t ever actually cry, it’s really strange but even if I do a tiny bit only one eye actually has tears. "Heaven" was played in an awesome programme with Holly Hunter called “Saving Grace”, man that programme was good but it was only on three times and then disappeared back to the where ever cool programmes that kick butt go to.

See how much I live in HOPE – I still HOPE that “Saving Grace” might come back. I think because I really related to her. Basically Grace (Holly Hunter) is a cop with a lot of issues, kinda like Nurse Jacky but not so yukky self-destructive and with a gun and easy access habit of drinking. Mind you that’s a case of perspective. So Grace’s job is homicide and you know how grotty that has got to be. And this angel visits her and of course she doesn’t believe he’s an angel because he’s in a dirty old t-shirt, chewing tobacco like a white trash version of Moroni. The angel, who’s name is Earl, gets Grace to helpful things in her own as she comes to her own faith in her complicate passionate life. It’s a show filled with HOPE really. About people turning their lives around and finding God (like He hides or something).

Today when I got work I was pretty emotionally over whelmed and trying to keep on top of that – thank goodness for Rescue Remedy! And I had all this work type stuff to do that normally I’m fine with but I’ve been having heaps of problems that just won’t quit lately and some aren’t even problems but looming events, things that I’ve made a life preserver and need to happen to give me equilibrium, disappointments, pressure, the blinking festive season, crazy winds, lack of music, need for rest and space – you know the usual stuff that just climbs up on your back and topples you. So I went in search of relief.

(I need to say here that I have been on a 12 week, 6 days a week gym programme so in the last couple of early mornings I have been running, leg pressing 85 kilos and this morning a really hard body balance programme. So walking has been really hard for me lately and my office is up a flight of stairs so my normal Rescue Remedy chaser of chocolate was a little out of my reach, like in another building.)

I found National Geographic’s wonderful, awe inspiring photos and even most excellently (channelling Bill and Ted there, sorry) they are ordinary people’s photos as well as pros. Love it and reminded myself of all the HOPE in the world, the smiles on children’s faces, the expanses of this earth, the detail of flowers, photo after brilliant photo. A joy.

I thought of a meeting I had last Monday and how I had to sit in the waiting room breathing deep and slow to stop me panicking – this isn’t me! But I am so grateful for knowing to breathe to a count of five, a slow count in and out. I HOPE so much that my panic was not apparent and things work out. Just I HOPE my projects grow and gain momentum, I HOPE I find peace, I HOPE things are well and getting better with you, I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE but more than anything I KNOW that all will be well. Now I just gotta remember to breathe!

*Long Black Train - Josh Turner - this boy's has a voice that touches a women in a way that should make him blush.

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