Wednesday, June 18, 2014

what's important

is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Facing the very real possibility
that my Homeboy Husband may not get a visa to stay here
and would have to return to Tonga......
without me,
has meant I've been examining very closely what is truly important to me.
This also maybe my mid life crisis..... being over 40 now.
This beach in Tonga is where my Homeboy and I sat making promises
to each other when we first met.
And to where he would return to.
I know!
Us city dwelling, 9 to 5 wage slaves are like WTF?
Why isn't he there now?
Let me tell you,
as beautiful and tropical,
sunny drenched and blissed out you may think the islands are,
they are still a small island surrounded by ocean
with no way off unless you can get a visa to somewhere else.
A prison without walls.
We do want to return there but we want to do so on our own terms,
ready to build a good life there.
Not because a visa was not given.
So our stress levels are up, up, up!
This brings learning to be married to a whole new level.
I am pleased to report we pull together for the most part,
rather than pull apart.
However a week and a half ago
I started breaking out in urticaria
(that's not a term 'in urticaria" by the way)
you'd know it as hives.
I have hives for no apparent reason.
I wake up and within 20 minutes I have hives
all over my legs,
sometimes on my arms
and sometimes on my tummy and bottom*
So pretty!
The hives themselves aren't very itchy,
but itchy enough.
They are ug-ugly.
It doesn't matter if I wake up at 4am or 10am,
I get hives.
I have a rosy glow of a rash all the time,
though most people think I've had a touch of the sun,
my skin and nerve endings tingle non-stop,
I'm a little bit puffy
and food is like lead to me.
Now that I've been keeping a food diary,
there is no particular food that brings them on more than others.
I am probably allergic a heap of things
but nothing singularly obvious.
I've vacuumed our mattresses and pillows,
washed bedding,
checked washing powders,
checked house cleaning products,
and many more things.
Idiopathic will be the answer to my blood tests.
Non-specific urticaria will be the diagnosis.
I know this because my very thorough doctor warned me this is likely to be the case.
What to do? What to do?
This is where my "what is truly important to me" quest
has risen in my complicated and muddled head.
I'm sick because there is something wrong.
As I believe that mind and body are well linked
I need to check my mental and emotional health to understand my physical health.
And to stop the periodic, overwhelming need to scratch.
Or bite my nails down so I can only rub.
I first visited an after hour clinic
(within  hours though, but not any cheaper)
because my regular doctor was overwhelmed with the measles outbreak in Hamilton.
So no appointment for me there,
they recommended I see anyone I could.
So I did and in the process was exposed to measles
(thank you public health system, always perpetuating yourself)
I was well checked out and sent home with a script for prednisone.
My medical mother explained that prednisone is a heavy hitter
and will suppress the reaction well.
But what she didn't tell me is the side effects,
which read like a horror story of everything you don't want.
Mind you the doctor didn't tell me either.
Yes, the prednisone worked.
But the hives are tougher,
they are still here and
I will not be taking prednisone ever again.
My regular doctor was much more helpful.
Upshot of what ever it is happening in my body is
doctors don't know,
could be one or a million things,
but likely it's stress,
a sad diet,
lack of exercise,
poor diet,
and so on.
What to do? What to do?
Well right now,
I'm going to wear gloves so I can only rub these suckers.
This morning I decided that we need to eat better,
so clean eating for us,
I ordered a meat pack from Green Meadows Beef
cause I quite like knowing my grass fed beef
has been grown on Taranaki coastal paddocks
that I can visit anytime I want
(plus they are twitter buddies of mine).
We will only eat food we have made ourselves.
I'm going to organise a cleaning lady
so there is one less thing to stress me out.
I'm going to get my hair cut and get my legs waxed
cause I can't shave them cause *spoiler alert* hives bleed when shaved.
I'm going to go home and hug my husband
and pray for the best outcome there can possibly be.
And I am going to remind myself to trust in the Lord.
And to not be mad with Him when things don't go our way.
And be ok with the big fat warning sign these hives are.
And figure out how to look after myself
so one day I will be able to shave my legs again.
*I've not acctually seen the hives on my bottom myself.  Homeboy reckons they are there but I think he may be confusing my cellulite with hives.

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