farming is exactly like

they say, only funnier. And dirtier. And colder. And much noisier than you'd think.

On Sunday I started tractor driving lessons (Thanks Emz!)

Look at that perfect day.

The frost was still on the ground at at 2pm but it was warm, if you were wearing three layers.

Yes the tractor is just a middle size old dunger, its a Massey Ferguson (classic no doubt) and that 'trailer' on the back is a super-comby silage wagon.

It takes five tonnes of silage which is quite heavy - this is it empty.

So basically you load it up and that white box is the scales. It pulls out so you can see it from the loader. You pile it up and then drive and drive and drive to the paddock where the break is set up. A break is a portion of a large paddock surrounded with an electric fence so that cows are contained and this controls how much they eat so they don't get too fat (cause they are compulsive eaters who eat pretty much what is in front of them).

What Emz and I were doing was setting up a number of breaks so the cows had a number of days eating. Farmers know that x amount weight of x type of food will last x number of cows x number of hours. You have to know quite a bit about maths in farming.

However someone who struggles with the concept of farming is my Boss.

This is a summary of his month on his farm.

To be fair it's his wife who is the farmer and he does the planning.

Bosses family has just moved into brand new house so there is no garden. He spent an afternoon planting a heap of grasses in his newly set up garden. However he forgot that currently they are de-shelter belting the farm and are putting in centre pivots, so there are no fences.

They farm crops, which are reasonably static but also finish cattle. Not finishing in a mafia way but they buy in baby cattle, feed them up and then on-sell them (aka send them to the 'works').

No fences + new grasses = yummy kai for cattles and goodbye planting.

But it goes on.

Two weeks the Boss left the driver's door on his NZYF four wheel drive open to air a slightly damp inside when the Bosses wife's working dog, who enjoys nothing more than jumping inside, bouncing from passenger to driver's seat and back and forth, then in to the back seat and had a good shake to get all the mud off. And thus covering the black interior which muddy mud. So much that when I, as a going to town favour, took the truck into get valeted the poor valet asked in a voice of dismay "What happened?!" I don't think townie valets know about working dogs and mud.

But there's more.

The Bosses pride and joy this summer was finally digging and lining his pool. Like a typical guy, he finally got going at the end of summer.... but it's in.

So while he and I were at dinner one evening during Feildays. He received a call from his daughter Megan to say that the few remaining and specifically kept trees were on fire. They had every fire engine in the district on farm draining the pool to put the fire out. This was a success however the pool was refilled as a precaution from the water race and is now filled with slit.

But there is more.

Early last week the Boss and Goose (a Young Farmer working for the Boss over the Uni hols) looked out the window while munching on their breakfast to see a little* cattle in the pool, getting a little upset. It was trying to jump up the side of the pool but not getting anywhere.

Poor baby.

Goose jumped in and hefted the not really that little cattle up and over the edge and away to hang out with its wee friends.

Lucky outcome, the pool lining was not damaged - cause that's what counts.

So am off to Gore today until Sunday with my new Coordinator who is currently hoppy Lou as she is on crutches. She'll be right and we'll be back on Sunday.

Saturday is a massive NZYF night on TV.

7pm on Country Calendar is Denise Lupton who is a Young Farmer from the Waikato who entered in the Waikato/Bay of Plenty Regional Final. Then on TVNZ6 at 7.30pm is live coverage of the Grand Final quiz show including coverage of the competition day and then, for those of you who don't get freeview, TV1 has delayed coverage on at 10.30pm.

All that and I'll be at the ball.

*little is relative.