fibro- what now?

My glands are up, I feel like my throat is swelling closed on the inside and my head, shoulders and neck can’t seem to stop aching.

Any fool would tell you I have a cold or the ‘flu but I don’t.

I do have chronic fatigue, ME, Tapanui Flu, Fibromyalgia – whatever you want to call it.

It comes and doesn’t ever actually go – my glands in my throat are usually hard if not swollen, one side of my neck swells (only I can tell really cause it swells evenly down one side but you’ll be able to see it all the time now), my joints ache – I know lots of people’s do but this is a different ache, tired ache with pain and they don’t always bend properly and boy do they make a lot of noise when they do.

Sometimes my muscles cramp – yup another common aliment, except that its muscles in my back and abs that are unmassagable by an untrained hand. Particular to Fibromyalgia if you poke my joints (let’s pretend you would) it gives way and I end up in a heap of pain on the floor. My body aches and my skin has this buzy tingle most of the time. Even my hair aches from exhaustion.

Typically I sleep like the dead but it’s seldom refreshing unless it’s a nana nap about 2pm . So it's bit like walking around with constant flu symptoms but never actually getting sick. Plus I come from a family where sickness doesn't exist.

It's like we forget to get sick even when it's smacking into us.

Actually if Tapanui Flu wasn’t the first and now obsolete name for Fibromyalgia I would call it that cause I was just through Tapanui, didn’t want to stop in case I got it’s germs but an aliment named after a place sounds better that some Latin term. And I like Tapanui.

But here's the deal because this is how I feel most of the time, it's just there, sometimes being worse and sometimes being better and sometimes I can ignore it enough that I feel great plus there is no medicine or treatment other than diet and well being (two things I am soooo good at taking care of) I just keep on.

Imagine if you gave in?

Having said that I do periodically give in.

Usually I find my head sinks lower and lower until I'm hunched over my keyboard and realise that I can't type for my nose being in the way, then it's time to go home crawl into bed and sleep.

So that's me at the moment.

Very much needing to crawl home and find a space to hide out for a few hours except that

This is my view cause I'm Wellington at the old Portland hotel over looking the IRD head office. And that brings back memories.

I want to go home.

And find my good friend panadine.