Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Questions please....

I’m not sure if it’s a case that I have just had two weeks off for a bit of a summer hol over Christmas that has caused me to think quite deeply into things.

I got married last March, not very long ago at all, it seems like for forever but for good reasons.  So here’s the deal (have to stop saying that – a New Year’s resolution maybe (how long can you call them resolutions rather than goals? Is there a date that you need to move on from resolutions to goals?  Goals sound far less noble than resolutions don’t you think?)), I've realised not long after we married that people seemed to think it was ok to pushily progress your life along in the most invasive and nosy of ways with questions.

Because we organised our wedding in six weeks, we didn’t get the whole “when are you getting married” palaver. When you get engaged have flipping game plan people!  Sort out a date quick smart and just go with it.  That will styme questions quick smart. A wedding is just a day with a really big party (that’s relative – double entendre… boom!).  It’s the marriage that counts.

But even in that short time I was amazed as many people, many, many people offered their unsolisited opinion on what we should or shouldn't do for our wedding.  Some were horrified that I was wearing, and did wear an 'old' dress of mine.  Some were horrified our guest list was limited (by location and short notice).  Some were horrified that we were doing everything so budget - I do not use the term horrified lightly.
My fulla's duck face, yes my husband is an egg but a lovely egg.
Once married, it’s “when are you having kids?” and I imagine, when number one comes along the question chases after number two baby.  I however am of an age that people are a little cautious about asking that plus we moved to an area that not many people know us.  For the record I have three grown step children and one delightful one year old grandson aka the nephew (we aren't quite ready to be grandparents in our very early 40s).
Another aspect to my realization is that my mother asks the most blunt and invasive questions.  I’m not sure if she did this before I got married but  in the last 9 months she has said some monumental, what the heck style statements and questions.  Yesterday she asked me if I had regular periods. I think what she meant was am I monitoring my start dates in case I’m pregnant (I try to give people the benefit of the doubt).  What I heard as an underlying tone was “have you started menopause?”. You can see where my mind is but not a super bad way.  I kind of want my body to either get pregnant or make it impossible – either/or, just sort it. 
I was pregnant for 10 weeks a few months ago.  We were thrilled and happy (until I started freaking out about future income as I am the one with the larger, reliable income).  Being a periodic obsessive person (I get distracted too easily to be constantly obsessive - as you can see by all these bracketted additions)  I reveled in taking weekly pregnancy tests that had two lines until there was only one.  That sucked.  As did having a job interview the morning everything went south a few days later (I got the job so silver linings and all that).  What sucked more was being in a different city, even a different island to my husband so I just survived it on my own (I took myself to the Temple and that really helped emotionally). 
I was home the next day to really enjoy the joys of miscarrying.  Maybe that was when the blunt questions started.  I was asked some medical type questions by my mother at the time that made me feel like I was making everything up (like I have a history of being over dramatic – not ever). 
My realization (for the purposes of this text heavy blog post) is that people ask the most invasive questions and offer their opinions with little regard for how they may impact another.  I couldn’t imagine being a celebrity, being asked these sorts of questions by complete strangers for the consumption of hoardes of complete strangers.  I mean seriously whose business it is if someone is gay or not, pregnant or not, looking crap in a post-Christmas bikini other than your own?
All I can say is, if I have ever asked you an inappropriately timed, ill advised, insensitive question please forgive me as I try to not be offended by those who ask me. 

But, seriously, where do people get off?  Really.

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