Really wanted to..

bring you a post on palpitating ram's balls but all the pictures are quite small and when I enlarge them - this post is fraught with coarse language difficulties I'd let you know - they go all fuzzy.

Maybe we'll just go with a use your imagination (within reason) post because I can't bear to let you miss this opportunity of a lifetime to learn how (using my limited understanding) to identify good, fertile rams.

Please do not try this at home.

First you get some rams - these are corridale which basically means really big sheep. They are a New Zealand breed, which I knew but this helpful piece knowledge was recently reenforced by recieving beef and sheep breeds posters that now hang on the office wall so we can play a quick round of breed bingo when ever we feel like it - which is more often than you might think.

Back to today's lesson - then you put the rams in a pen so they can't escape then you ummm feel around for their balls, which luckily is not difficult because that old saying "sticking out like dog's balls" could be replaced with "hanging like ram's balls". Just speculating here.

Then you, actually I don't know what you do with the ram's balls (Oti, could use instruction here) to see if they are fertile. I was totally focused on trying to not have my shadow in the photo - unsuccessfully.

This is another way of explaining to the judges what you would LOOK for in a fertile ram. You flip (there's a knack) the ram on it's back, where he just relaxes like so, then you point in an awkward manner to the parts you would check, explaining all the while what you would be looking for. At least explain the detail of what you are looking for, as even from here it is fairly obvious what you are looking at.

and then once you have spent 30 minutes explaining ram fertility and looking pictures all about sheep and beef's graphic physical aliments and functions - so graphic the photos were tucked away in an on-farm version of a brown paper cover i.e. a shed.

Then you get to shear the sheep.

These are just two of the eight practical activities the contestants had to accomplish that day before they went on to the evening quiz show, which is where the do or die competition really happens. Rozzy in a moment of inspirational madness asked me to help score and I did well considering my marginal maths skills (I'm sure I'm better than I think, just don't ask me anything more complicated than counting up).

I'm pretty sure those sheep and beef Tasman Contest conveners had it out for the Canty Plains dairy farmers that day.

Good thing the winner had both covered.