releasing the shag...

Long weekends are times to facebook for hours with people you don't normally get to talk to.

And because it is a long weekend (thanks Your Majesty) all kinds of things get discussed. As a single woman and because the only people who have time to facebook for hours on end are my single woman friends the conversation tends to end up being about men or lack of.

I'm liking that I get to contribute about recent experiences rather than lamenting a lack of but Alison von der bar in Marlborough (somewhere outside an undisclosed town in that particular but vague area) is in lack of mode. Mind, my recent experiences are't solid enough that I'm not still looking.

This is a great shame because Ali is a woman who has much to give but is currently in an environment common to single New Zealand women across the nation, where the bludy hell are the single men?????

We know they exist somewhere but where?

I do have a theory that I believe is applicable to my case, which is my ideal guy (not perfect just pretty bludy good) is like me, smart, well read, interested in the world, an introvert, ambitious, focused doing good in the world - oddly enough if you are super busy and introverted you tend to need quite a bit of time at home to recharge your emotional batteries but then you don't go out that much and even if you did, who wants to meet a bloke in a bar?

But back to Ali von der bar... she is outgoing, intelligent, attractive, adventurous, confident and heaps more, gives really good advice, is compassionate and generous. I really like her a lot but this past year has been a man drought for her. She has travelled both islands developing her skills and experiences, not particularly looking but open to whom she may encounter. But no single men to be had or kept or thrown back even.

Then to top it all off Army Man starts chatting to her on facebook. So he is single, she is single and then it gets complicated. Ali von der bar in her small non-specific town is frustrated to the zenzizenzizenic (to the power of eight loosely) because her parents have long tentacles and just find out stuff. So given the risks (she is an adult, she just wants to enjoy meeting someone without a hyper excited mother) she is chatting and chatting on facebook (this isn't the easiest as Army Man has custody of his child and all chatting needs to be post said child's bedtime) and it's going swimmingly but has anything happened?

This then leads to a discussion about women asking men out. In my experience guys say they like it but they don't really. I know this from experience. I've asked and it's upset the power balance - not to me but to him. I don't know what that is about, it just is. Maybe we as a society are not evolved enough.

Ali's answer to this man drought? To move to Wellington, New Zealand's centre of man droughtness.

Neither of us (nor any of my single friends) are looking for Mr Perfect. We are realistic.

Let me tell you about a recent experience with Mr Legs - who oddly enough has fantastic legs.

So a couple of years ago I encountered Mr Legs. I thought he was hot and he still is, or was until he threw up on my motel house (not room, thank you) carpet quite a bit. So happily assuming I would never meet him again I went about my business. But not so. By chance he was involved in a project that I was visiting. So after a few false starts (thanks to Rozzy) I took the initiative and the response was positive. After his part in the project was done, he and his boys came over to where I was staying and much lingering looks and eyes meeting across the room were had.

So I sashayed over to Mr Legs (keeping in mind it was very late and I had got my jamas on, with fresh make up and my jamas were suitable for company and to be honest I don't think he noticed) and we got into a discussion about the 57 things on his list of an ideal woman, this was amongst other things. Mr Legs is not a narcissist but a farmer. Long periods of the day alone lend themselves to this kind of deep and introspective thought.

We only got to four but so far so good. Basically Mr Legs got completely drunk, threw up for a good hour and left, continuing by all reports. I'm the kind of girl who takes advantage of every opportunity I can, so while Mr Legs was drunk as a drunk thing, comaing out on the couch and by this stage using Rozzy's leg for a pillow, much to her marginal horror. Rozzy happened to have a permanent marker pen sitting by her so we wrote on his forehead "I'm hot" cause it made us laugh and we know he was wanting to go out in public that morning (by this stage it's 4am-ish) and he was being drunkenly annoying and this was before he threw up. Did I tell you how incredibly mature I am?

Anyway you'd think that lingering looks would lead to something would you not? Even with humorous follow up, i.e. we take photos of our evil deeds and I emailed it to him, mostly cause he asked what he got up to that morning (the lingering looks were before the morning started just be clear). But nothing. What is a girl to do? this is not a rhetorical question by the way.

There is a study of farming males who married women they have met overseas (from their O/Es not mail order in these particular cases) and in the study (by an Aussie wife who met her Kiwi farmer husband in London) the men said they preferred the foreign women because they had more open expectations of living on a kiwi farm (location not a kiwi bird farm) or rather lack of expectation in comparison to what they imagined kiwi girls expected - none had actually asked any kiwi girls. I find this really interesting because I don't believe that this is the case at all but that's cool. Whateves.

I just realised I've written too many story lines in this post that I don't have anything much to pull it together to close off with. Other than if anyone knows a man who is tall, broad shoulders, a manly man. Good in kitchen but better in shed. (ironic that shed rhymes with bed) ambitious, family oriented. Likes to travel and explore, has nice manners and thoughtful. Then Ali von der bar is interested, she travels. Just leave a comment.

Oh releasing the shag was just a reference to a quote in the Zoo programme tonight, seemed appropriate.