we are family

It's been an interesting weekend for my homeboy husband.

 

Last week he had a dream

that may or may not have been prompted by 

Mags and I laughing over old family photos.

 

He dreamt that he needed to call his aunt,

sorry he has so many I can't remember her name,

to ask for photos.

 

In the dream it didn't specify photos of what or of whom

but just that he call.

 

This is a man that I have to chase aka nag to call his mother.

Anyway he woke filled with conviction that he needed to call said aunt.

So he didn't but what did happen was that

an unmet cousin unknowingly posted a handful of family photos.

 

It was at this time I discovered that my homeboy husband

had never seen the face of his father.

This was a man who he never meet as he died when Homeboy was about two.

 

In the time between Homeboy's birth and his father's death by car accident,

his father lived overseas,

in theory attending university as by all reports

he was a very intelligent and inspiring man.

In reality Homeboy's dad was sowing his wild oats

while his wife staying on da islan raising his first born.

 

Turns out there is no denigning parentage there,

same nose, same thighs, same skin colour,

would be the same abundant hair if Homeboy had enough

 

Hard on the heals of Homeboy's dad came

and private message on the old Facebook

from a sister he had never heard of,

well sister plus one more.

 

So a face he has never seen materialised plus two sisters.

They knew about him but he knew not of them.

They are so his sisters too,

matching noses.

Nuff said.

 

It was a bit of a teary and exciting weekend.

 

And then, then, THEN!

Today we finally heard that Homeboy has New Zealand Residency.

Oh happy day!

 

 



there's stress,

and then there's stress.

This stress is the kind that governments induce.

 

 

 

I'm trying to be cool as we (I) apply for my homeboy's*

New Zealand Residency and renew his Work Visa.

 

It isn't actually masses of work but

it's just fraught with the concept there is a perfect application.

 

It is made stressful because we want our lives to go on how they are just now.

My homeboy's working in a job he enjoys,

with responsibilities he likes,

a team he enjoys and hours he loves.

(I'm less fond of the hours as a 6am start for him

which means an alarm at 4.30am for both of us)

 

The upshot of an unsuccessful application is my homeboy

goes back to Tonga quick smart and

we can apply again or appeal the decision.

 

Impact of an unsuccessful application is

is I loose my husband for an indefinite period of time,

our future plans go array,

and depression and frustration all round.

 

The stakes are high for us.

 

Residency takes up to nine months to be processed.

Nine months is enough time to have a baby in.

You can see why there are often slight overstayers with new borns as the reason.

The husband needs residency,

the wife is a resident or citizen,

they apply for residency and very shortly she becomes pregnant.

 

They wait, wait, wait and as the baby gets ready to be born,

they get declined,

probably for perfectly fine reasons,

but who is going to bail on their wife just as she is about to give birth?

 

Anyway we are not in that situation.

Just a regular Work Visa application followed by a Residency application.

 

And me feeling rather exposed as we filter through our relationship

providing proof that we are in a stable and genuine relationship.

 

Think about that =

How do you prove (or disprove) if you are in a stable and genuine relationship with someone?

 

Let me tell you,

when you have to prove something like that,

something that really isn't documented,

it is hard to prove.

 

We know, our family knows,our friends know,

but how do you tell the government that?

marriage certificates and leases,

power bills and joint bank accounts,

romantic cards and love notes,

photos and whatever you can find that has a date and both your names on it

is all you can provide.

 

It's not easy having my nice white, middle class bubble burst.

 

*formerly my fulla but he is not of the British background so doesn't know how to pronouce